*** linux

From: dustin collett (dcollect_at_zero-day-security.com)
Date: 03/31/04 

Date: Tue, 30 Mar 2004 16:53:55 -0600

My commentary on Operating Systems/Distributions. This has been written to
be inflammatory, spiteful, and I expect to get lots of hate mail about it.
This is why I wake up in the morning.
 
Gentoo: Why not fucking shop at the Gap? And you call yourself a geek. Oh!
PORTAGE! OMG! COOL! A BSDISH LINUX! You stupid fuckwad, it's still Linux.
It's still GNU. It's your way of saying to the rest of the world that you
aren't hardcore enough to run a real OS (ie: BSD). Let's jump on the
OS-of-the-moment bandwagon. Why don't you just start wearing two pairs of
socks like all the losers did in the 80's? They looked dumb then, you look
dumb now. Stop telling me portage is so great and fabulous. I don't care.
You're still a GPL'ed brainwashed fuckhead.
 
RedHat: Now known to the free world as Fedora. I don't even know where to
start on this one. It's RedHat. Do you actually like this piece of ***? Do
you run it? Shame on you. I can understand the people in suits liking it.
It's seen as being more corporate. The installer shouts "YOU'RE TOO DUMB TO
FIGURE LINUX OUT, SO I'M GOING TO INSTALL EVERYTHING I CAN THINK OF ONTO
YOUR HARDDRIVE. HEHE. HOPE YOU HAVE THE SPACE." The only people that
install RedHat onto their workstations of free will are the hobbyists that
aren't smart enough and will never be smart enough to start off with
Slackware.
 
Slackware: The only linux distribution worth the CD's you burnt it to
because you were too fucking cheap to go out and buy the CD's to support
the project. Slackware is a big *** you to the rest of the Linux world.
Their install program hasn't changed in years. YEARS. They don't install
extra crap by default, they don't have some big shiny idiotproof GUI
installer. Slackware is excellent for people that need Linux but don't want
all of the BS packaging systems and pointy-clicky interfaces that go along
with it. Good going. You installed the less sucky of the suck.
 
Debian: You have a small penis. It's ok. Just don't try to offer me the CD
or tell me how cool apt-get is or cover your laptop in debian stickers. You
aren't hardcore, either. YOU HAVE A SMALL PENIS.
 
plan9: For what it is, it's a great little OS. It's the poor man's trendy
OS. I'm pretty sure more people would be running it if gentoo wasn't the
flavor of the moment. plan9 is for the trendy people that don't want to
follow the trend of gentoo. It kind of reminds me of the goth kids back in
high school that stood off to the side looking pissed off at the world.
Yeah. We know you're original. Please go shower.
 
OpenBSD: PLEASE LET ME BE SUCKING THEO'S ***. I LOVE SECURITY. BESTEST MOST
SECUREST OS EVAR. PF! PF! OPENSSH! PF! SECURITY! NO EXPLOITS ON THE DEFAULT
INSTALL IN YEARS!! (oh wait, no, openssh wasn't our fault.)
 
FreeBSD: We're cool. Don't try to pretend you are on our level. <3
 
NetBSD: Inconclusive.
 
Windows: I don't consider you on the same playing field as us. That is,
unless you call yourself a geek. In that case - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Go
install gentoo.
 
In conclusion:
 
GPL IS THE ROTTED FUCKFLAPS OF THE OPEN SORES WORLD, AND PERL IS THE BUKAKKE
OF THE INTARWEB. 

-- 
Zounds!  I was never so bethumped with words
since I first called my brother's father dad.
                -- William Shakespeare, "King John"
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